To whom it may concern.

In October last year I attended a conference along with 150 concerned investors. The point of the talk was to quash any fears Merril Lynch investors had following the tragic events in New York on September 11 and the effect it may have on their various investments.

The lecturers were well versed in the current and past strategies and were very reassuring. They were very quick to point out that human suffering and catastrophic tragedies such as Wars, Assassinations, and Carnage are actually really good for the economy.

They even showed us a graph demonstrating the obvious link between misery and financial profit. I was so impressed and was almost tempted to start smashing things and shooting people, looking forward to a massive bank account when the smoke cleared.

What prevented my immediate rampage, was the recollection of a series of events that have happened to me. Each one faulting your theory, in so much as there has been a certain amount of anguish, suffering and loss but absolutely no monetary consolations or dividends as a result. (Included is a graph of my own)

1. When my friend Robert Bongiorno and I were young we went to the cinema one afternoon. After the movie it was late and dark and Rob insisted on walking down a dark alley as a short cut. Half way down the lane we were jumped upon by a group of thugs. They stole all our money and bashed us both. The train in cost us $4 each and the movie was about $8 each and they stole a combined $25.50 So for our $24 dollar investment on a night out we had nothing but bruises to show for it.
2. One time on our way to Melbourne for a tour, John Citizen and I were pulled over for speeding. Naturally (being a Victorian Police officer) The cop made us strip and then sodomized us both. It was a harrowing ordeal worsened by the fact he's never called me since and I know he's got my number. Anyway after the "cavity search" he fined us $400. Once again pain and no reward.
3. When I was a very little I'd often stay with my Grandmother for a weekend. She used to give me pocket money to mow the lawn and help do the dishes. One Saturday morning however, she walked in on me ....pullin' the pud, jerkin' the gherkin, spanking the monkey, ..... You know what I'm talking about. Hell I've been to one of your seminars you know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway she didn't talk to me for the rest of my visit and I missed out on my allowance as a result.

So there you have it. Shame, Beatings and violent intercourse have no obvious pay back. I'd love to have your professional opinion as to where I might have gone wrong.

Yours Sincerely
Ian Baddley
P.O. Box 991 Ingleburn 1890 NSW
ian_baddley@yahoo.com